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Amberspace: Information resources for transsexual (TS) and transgendered (TG) persons. Follow the journey of Amber, a post-transition MTF TS.
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amberspace "Been there. Been that." Last updated on 2006.08.10.
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Other recommended blogs: Amy, Calpernia, Claire, Gwen, Kara, Reise, W3bgrl-Auntie Solder.

     January   |   February 2005   |   March     

Friday, 2005.02.04:

  Mood-O-Meter: Happy.

I've been dreading doing the court-ordered name change and I'm not really sure why. I think it has to do with laziness as well as my not having complete legal status hasn't interfered with my life as of yet. However, looking into the future, if I want to travel abroad and if I ever have to show my birth certificate then I'm going to need to have it taken care of. And so recently I did.

It was actually so uneventful I was surprised. I had gone to the Probate Court website and had downloaded the required forms. What is really cool now is that there is literally a section for changing name and gender. I kid you not. I guess there have been enough people filing these things that they decided to make an FAQ about it.
      The most confusing thing about filing the forms is that I didn't know which name to put down first. There is a big blank at the top of most of the pages for "name". So, being the nut I am, I filled out the forms in duplicate: one with my Boy Name and one with my Girl Name.
      I drove down to the Probate Court and parked in the lot. A quick walk across the street and it was into the building. The Probate Court office was tucked away in the back and there was a short line of people there. However, since it turned out most were lawyers and they were waiting on a client, once they were done the room was mostly vacant.
      I stepped up to the window and submitted my paperwork. The lady, without missing a beat, just took all the forms and like a routine went stamping and signing and checking all of them. Then she took my check for $299.50, set a court date, and that was it! What's also cool is now you don't have to actually appear in court here. Instead I show up right back at the Probate Court office at my appointed time and that's it.
      From there it was another quick walk down to a local newspaper that runs legal postings. The woman who served me there was also quite used to these things and just took the paperwork, my $65.00, and that was it too. I requested a copy of the paper when it comes out---I just have to go back next week to pick it up.

And that's my uneventful name change story. Totally easy. I'm kicking myself for not having done it before.

...

In a short bit I'm off with Kara for her big day. Yup. She's getting Meltzerized too. Actually, it's funny that a whole litany of friends have been Meltzerized in the space of about a year and we all started at different times. And a little larger circle of people there are a great number who have experienced the hand of Dr. Meltzer.
      I'm hoping that the trip will be mostly uneventful too. I mean, it's a major change for Kara and it will be as eye-opening as probably anything else. But I hope everything will track to schedule.

Speaking of surgeries, I'm up for labiaplasty soon too. I'll be posting a more detailed record of this on the site in the coming months as the time gets closer to it. I hope that this last step finishes me off and I can stay away from surgeons for a while.


Friday, 2005.02.18:

  Mood-O-Meter: Sad.

Shall we talk about something unpleasant?

It burns. It really does. I think I have the beginnings of a UTI.

I can't prove it and I should see a doctor, but I'm leaving on a plane tomorrow and I can't let this get in the way of that. Besides, if I'm going to get a UTI treated, why not in the same vicinity as the doctor that rearranged my "plumbing".
      This all came to pass last night. I was on my usual drive to band practice and I got stuck in traffic. At some point my bladder reached critical and I simply had to go. It had been far too long since I should have gone and I could feel my bladder screaming at me. But I held on because, quite frankly, I wasn't about to do bad things to my car seats.
      Well, I eventually found a drug store alongside the road and ducked into it. After doing my "thang" I was feeling quite a bit better, but it didn't feel like I emptied completely...

Fast forward to today evening where it is becoming inconvenient---even painful. I just hope I get this solved before the 28th because I would hate to delay this date.

...

Tonight a few of us went out and celebrated Kara's last weekend in the area before we take off to Scottsdale tomorrow. We dined at an Italian place and then went out to a bar/pool place afterwards.
      One member of our group was hit on by a guy---it was cute. She's a bit on the shy side but apparently caught his eye.


Saturday, 2005.02.19:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

And now we begin the labiaplasty series.

This trip has been a few months in the making. Kara and I talked about her return trip to Scottsdale to get her SRS done. Since she went with me last July and was sort of my guardian angel, I figured it would be an opportune time to return the favor---and get labiaplasty done.
There's a bunch of interesting things about Kara's surgery:
  • 2/22/2005: the date of her surgery.
  • Tuesday: the day of her surgery.
  • 2nd: she's the second surgery planned that day..
  • 229: the room we stayed at in Tempe.
  • 209 ???: the plate of the car we rented.
  • 22nd: the day of her birthday.
  • 257: the room we stayed at in Scottsdale.
  • 2: the room Kara recovered in at Greenbaum.
      For her this will be a remarkable occasion. She's been waiting for this for quite a while. I wish her the best of luck in the short term, and hope that things work out for her in the long term. We've had many a conversation and the final stance is that "what needs to be done gets done."
      Over the course of these next few days we'll be driving around, having fun, and getting in that mental state ready to face the Big Day. She's putting herself in the hands of one of the most skilled people for SRS. Dr. Meltzer isn't just a brand name, he gets results.

Personally, this is one trip I've been anticipating as well. The predominant thought in my mind right now is: let's get this over with! I have been salivating at finishing up with surgeries because I feel like some kind of mutant right now. I hate living in limbo, being a partially-completed project. (The clitoris sticks out pretty bad.) If all goes well with the recovery from the UTI (or whatever I have) then we'll be done and home in a little under 2 weeks from now.

Wish us both luck.

...

Today was a rather eventful day. Both Kara and I got no sleep since both of us got back from last night's gathering late and we needed to pack. That took all night so she had 3 hours sleep, me 5. When she showed up at my doorstep she was already dragging. We squeezed all of our bags into the back of her little car and were on our way to a friend's house by about 10:30a.
      Bonnie dropped us off at the airport. The lines at the ticket counter and the security checkpoints were long. This wouldn't be the first delay in the day, however. Our plane would arrive at the gate late due to the torrents of rain pummeling the runway. And we would arrive in Phoenix late and just as soggy as well. (It turns out that Phoenix was due to get rain through our entire stay!) The 45-minute wait at the car rental counter would only compound our frustration.
      Fortunately our check-in at the hotel in Tempe was easy. Our room had two beds, a full kitchen, a decent bathroom, and free wifi. We logged in our computers and checked on a few local events going on. Not to far away was the Tempe Improv. It turns out Paula Poundstone was performing and tickets weren't outrageously priced. So we booked a 10:00p show.
      After a brief dinner out at an Applebee's we ran to a drugstore to find some of those last-minute supplies. The elusive-to-buy foam donuts (a.k.a. invalid rings) were easy to find in Tempe. For some reason these things are not as widely available in the San Francisco Bay Area as they are in the Greater Phoenix valley---one might guess the demographic differences could account for that.
      From there it was out to the Improv where it was cold and still damp from the recent rain. Up the flight of stairs to the theatre the line was already forming. When Kara and I finally got into the line we were standing behind this guy, Stephen, who said his date had to go out of town. There he was alone, semi-bored, and kinda cute. He had a little bit of playah attitude (which really doesn't do much for me) but he seemed interesting.
      Well, our seats turned out to be along the back wall so we could squeeze another chair in pretty easy. We/I invited Stephen to sit with us. (Thought running through my mind: what the heck are you doing?)
      The show was good, IMO. Oddly, gay/les/bi/trans topics did surface during the performance as there was someone there who was an advisor to queer college students. But that was minor. The rest of the show meandered about.
      Afterwards we dodged bullets of rain and made it to a bar/pool place. We found a booth near the quieter part of the place and just talked. It was an awkward talk; I was really surprised he actually kept going with us rather than copping out. When the swimsuit competition started (yes, apparently there was a competition that night) he was quite amused. I thought it was just so over the top it was laughable. Oh well.
      At the end of this I got his digits and now I'm wondering what to do about the situation. I barely know the guy and he knows I'm not in town more than a few days. He could be fun but I think he's looking for "fun" at a level I'm not willing to give right now---and I'm not so desperate to have sex just to try out my new equipment down there. While I think it could be an interesting experience the overriding thought right now is that it isn't safe enough. I'm not in my own town, I have no friends resources at the moment to call for backup, I'm totally inexperienced, I don't think he read me (e.g. what will he do when he finds out?), and I'm not ready for sex. So in spite of my feeling that "hey, this might be fun, call him back," my gut feeling says "wait, this isn't the right time." Final decision: this isn't safe.

Why does fear have to rule this decision? I wish "playing" could be safe.

And so I delete his number from my address book...

*sigh!*

Boy troubles.


Sunday, 2005.02.20:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

I rolled around in bed a bit. I needed to get a little more sleep after yesterday. Kara went out for a morning run, leaving me by myself in the room. I decided this would be a good time to get some dilation done. The UTI symptoms were bothering me but not enough to dilate.
      When we finally cleared out of the room and hauled our heavy bags downstairs it was early afternoon. Seeing as our next hotel room wouldn't be available until later we had a few hours to kill. We decided on walking the mall and checking out Gameworks. For all the time we spent there at least we have a deck of cards and some other small prizes to show for playing skee ball.
      Kara's last meal ended up being at Johnny Rockets. Yes, a burger joint. And she enjoyed every bit of it. That was her last solid meal...
      After dropping our bags off in our new hotel room, we jumped back into the car to head out to the concert. Kara had bought tickets to the 3 Doors Down/Saliva concert. The venue was cool as they featured a revolving stage---there were no bad seats. And, yes, we saw the boys rock out. Oh, and the sex on the beach shooter was mighty tasty.


Monday, 2005.02.21:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

Alarms went off early at 8:00a. Today was Kara's pre-op day. Or Kara's I-can't-have-food-just-water day. We both got ready and rolled out a bit earlier than planned because her pre-op consult got moved up to the morning.
      Dr. Meltzer's office moved to just down the road from Greenbaum Surgery Center, so it's really convenient. Entering through his office doors you encounter wood accented walls with these square motifs. A large TV faces the waiting area the the reception desk is tucked off to one side. The new exam rooms are small but very functional.
      Kara was interviewed by one of the nurses and given her oh-so-tasty Lo-So Prep bowel prep package. Oh, and let's not forget the rectal suppository---that's always a hit with the crowd. Kara just listened to all the things she'd have to do.
      Dr. Meltzer finally entered and he examined Kara. He also spent time to answer her questions including how he now performs his vaginoplasty. That's definitely one of Dr. Meltzer's strong points: patience and ability to explain things to his patients. You understand that he is truly concerned about each individual and is trying to do his best to make that person happy.
      Since I was there at the office I asked to schedule a little time with Dr. Meltzer as well so I could ask him a few questions---you don't usually get a pre-op consult for labiaplasty. I was going to come back later in the night but it turned out that there was a little time right after Kara's. So we all went to a different section of the office and I put myself into the stirrups.
      It was a good thing we had this chance to examine me because we were able to go over how we can reshape my mons pubis, change the height of the clitoris (which is sticking out pretty bad right now), release some of the musculature at the base of the vagina near the perineum, and dilate my urethra. In fact, he was able to go in with some tools and open up my urethra---which now allows me to urinate about 3x faster. (Thank goodness!) He also was able to address the UTI problem I've had and gave me some medication for that. (Nitrofurantoin Mono, a.k.a. Macrobid.) Once again, I love this "soft touch" approach that Dr. Meltzer has.
      All done with the office visits we headed out to pick up supplies at the drug stores. We got some Boiron arnica montana dispensers, prescriptions, and some gifts for the staff at Greenbaum. I dropped Kara off back at the hotel and I went out to get lunch at one of my now-favorite places: Oregano's. (Hehehe...Kara was just starting her water diet.)
      We left to go pick up Carol who was flying in to the airport and would be staying with us. Once we had her settled in back at our hotel it was time to pay a little visit to Greenbaum. A few of the nurses Kara and I met before were on duty. She dropped off the gifts to the happy staff.
      Next we were on a mission to find slippers. While we walked the mall Kara kept guzzling 8 oz. portions of water. Apparently she had no problem taking all that down---I felt like I was going to burst! However, she really didn't like the magnesium citrate. (Personally, I thought that was pretty tasty considering the rest of the bowel prep diet is boring water. Carol and I got to mock Kara with our Olive Garden salads and lasagna. Mmm mmm mmm!
      Back at the room Kara was basically in for the night doing nothing but "downloading"---the bathroom sort, not the computer sort. Carol decided to get some reading done. Me, not having anything to do in particular, went out for a walk in the rain and chatted on my celly.

Stephen was on my mind a bit. Again it just isn't a safe place to be meeting up with people. If Kara was with me when we go out again then that'd be OK. But since I'd end up being out there solo, it's just not a good idea. So I did the only thing I could think of doing: I deleted Stephen's number from my celly.

I think that was the right decision here.


Tuesday, 2005.02.22:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

Kara's V-Day is finally here. She seems psyched about it and is ready to get on with it...

Carol and Kara both slept well. Kara and I woke up to alarms around 8:00a---Carol had gotten up earlier to get some coffee from the hotel's breakfast nook. Kara was a lot more lively than I, simply popping out of bed. I just groaned and rolled over instead. Then she got the call.
      It was Dr. Meltzer's staff. They called to let her know that there had a been a change in schedule and they wanted to move her up. Kara figured why not and immediately jumped in the shower. A few minutes later all three of us were on our way to the surgery center.
      Kara went through all the forms and then disappeared behind the big door leading to the patient prep area. Carol and I waited until the staff came to get us. Things were running at a fast pace and we literally got like two minutes with her before the anesthesiologist showed up. Then her gurney was whisked away into the OR...
      Carol stayed at Greenbaum while I went to go run errands and get a good shower in. When I returned, Carol was ready for lunch. We had a leisurely meal and then picked up some flowers at a nearby supermarket. The florist girl was really cool and gave us a discount on the vase and added extra flowers for free. Carol and I found Kara's room and put the flowers on the table next to some other flowers that were already there.
      When Kara was finally wheeled up into the room she was beyond groggy. I think we got maybe 10 sentences out of her before she slipped back into slumber. Hours rolled by. Eventually, Carol and I popped out for a dinner; I returned back to Greenbaum around 9:00p to stay and watch over Kara.
      She woke up a couple of times later that night mostly to drink down some more Ensure or put in her earrings.


Wednesday, 2005.02.23:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

Meanwhile in the rest of the Wired World, qDot was finding ways to make the Xbox even more of an interactive experience: SeXBox Vibration Controller.


Sunday, 2005.02.27:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

The past few days have been pretty much the same routine: wake up, have a cup of coffee, go see Kara at Greenbaum, go with Kara's mom out to lunch, see Kara, go out to dinner with the mom again, see Kara, go back to the hotel. But tonight is different since it's the day before my labiaplasty.

I've started packing. I'll be taking a simple overnighter bag since I can leave the rest of my belongings in the hotel room we have reserved for the next few days. My ID, medication, laptop, camera, and a simple change of clothes are going with me. Hopefully that'll get me through until Tuesday afternoon.
       I'm a bit more nervous for this procedure than SRS. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's another surgery and that it is more optional than required. But I have to get this done to move on. I'm hoping that everything will go OK tomorrow and that I'll be back to full speed soon.


Monday, 2005.02.28:

  Mood-O-Meter: OK.

Just a few more minutes left before I go off to labiaplasty. Kara and her mom went out to get lunch. So I'm just alone with my thoughts. This may indeed be one of the last times I see the Greenbaum Surger Center. Kind of like seeing a good friend move away. But I'll be here tonight. The ward is semi-full today with 5 of us Meltzer girls---3 for SRS, 2 for labiaplasty. I was wondering if I'd get the "princess suite" (#12), but looks like I'll be along the West wall in #9.
      Kara's recovery is coming along quite well. Dilations seem to be uneventful, but I'm sure she'll write more on that later. She'll be heading home in a few more days too.


     January   |   February 2005   |   March     

Entries may show the mood for the day. From best to worst moods here's the list:



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