|
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
ramblings |
Group Transition
1999.11.15
One thing that I keep having to remind myself about is that I am not in this alone. I'm not referring to the fact that I need the help of others, but rather I'm talking about as I change I affect everyone else around me. From the way that I look, to what I say, to how I behave, all of that is sending out messages which are being received by other people. I do not and cannot operate in a vacuum. My family's and friends' feelings are just as important to me as my own.
This is one of the major difficulties in pondering transition. I not only have to prepare myself for its rigors but I also have to train everyone else to accept or at least respect the changes. I just can't one day slap on a skirt and a spaghetti-strap tank and run around without a care. I can just see the wide-eyed stares and the responses like "oooohhhhhkayy" and "um, that's a very interesting color on you." Hey, if I was in their position I would completely agree. So where do you start?
My view is that the first thing you want to do is make sure that you have information on hand. I don't mean you should be toting your copy of "True Selves" and a bunch of printouts from web sides, but know your material. Just like other situations where you are trying to explain something entirely new to another person, you need to be a relative expert on the subject. No, you don't have to be a well-read scholar, but know your terms and know places where they can get more information if they want it. They'll ask the tough and weird questions, and you should be prepared to hold little back.
Along with all that background data, you should also know a little about where you stand. The types of questions that I would expect would be along lines of "what are you?" and "why do you feel that way?" They don't know how you feel so you have be able to put into words what you're thinking. When I don't know, I've also been honest in saying I have no plans for transition, or I haven't thought about something.
Beyond information comes the projection of oneself outward. You can say "oh, I want to be a woman", but if you don't sound convincing, of course they're not going to believe you. When you begin to embrace the image of that person you want to become, you start to let it show in your daily life. I guess you could refer to this as the emotional softening process. You want to have people begin to notice that there is another dimension to yourself and that they can sort of see it peeking through your male exterior. Usually the stronger you believe something yourself, the more it manifests itself---so there's really not much effort to be done to make yourself seem any softer.
Finally, there is the visual transformation. There are those who will probably tell me that you should be free to do what you want and so what if everybody else can't take the real "me" romping around in a dress. I would say that that is a dangerous thing to do, because people do not react well to shocking visual displays. Just the contrast from the person they knew you to be to the person you've just become is enough to cause jibes and stares. I tend to side with those who believe in a slow metamorphosis. Just as your interpersonal communication becomes softer, you can change your physical appearance slowly.
Work on just being more androgynous. That gives you more of freedom of movement. Now you can still be one of the guys and begin to move into the realm of the women. It also gives you an escape route if you need it---it's kind of hard to suddenly make excuses why you're wearing heavy makeup and a feather boa.
:P
Let the hormones and electrolysis do their job---even those with more
advanced age still can have pronounced results with the girl juice!
This all lets people see that if you should go for the change that they
are not going to be seeing a totally different person. The same
person is there: same personality, same work ethic, same smile,
etc.The overall message is that part of making a successful transition is trying to make sure that other people take the journey with you. Expect that you are going to be rubbing up right against their whole values system that they thought was once rock-solid. By taking things slow, you and they can adjust together with fewer surprises. Even you will have to correct your course, or perhaps turn around down the road.
My best wishes to you...
|
 |
 |
|
|