Amberspace: Information resources for transsexual (TS) and
transgendered (TG) persons. Follow the journey of Amber,
a post-transition MTF TS.
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I lament about a lot of schtuff because there's a whole bunch of
things going "wrong" in my life right now. But there are some
real interesting positives. Like men for instance. They are
simple-minded creatures often easily manipulated by their baser
instincts. Once you have them in pursuit of you it's
amazing the things you can have them do at your beck and call.
I really don't have enough experience or desire to write the
book, but if I did I would call it "MANipulation: How To
Control Your Man".
I'm not that evil. Really. I don't crave power, but I can see
how one might use it. But as a woman you really have learn how
to use it. Put in a different way, you have to be careful about what
you do that might trigger them. I never really thought that doing
seemingly innocent things like smiling, replying to e-mail, or
laughing could get you in so much trouble.
I've got some interesting situations that recently happened or are
still happening.
Take for instance this one guy that came in from
out of town. So, I'm hanging with friends out on the front lawn
area when he comes up. People greet him, I introduce myself to him
(because I've never seen him before). A while passes and all of us
out there do different things. But at one point I ended up helping
people load up this guy's truck. As we're finishing up this guy
turns to me and asks if I'd like to join them at dinner. Now I'm
thinking that he doesn't know me at all and is asking me to go out
with the group? Hm. Then again, maybe he just had an extra opening.
OK, so the 6 of us go for dinner and throughout the dinner he's sort
of explaining how fondue works and all that. I couldn't tell exactly
but maybe he was indeed paying a little more attention my way. I
don't know. Finally later we get back to this guy's sister's place
I'm talking to the sister for a while. I turn to leave, I wish him
a nice trip back to his home, and he just casually mentions something
like, "maybe I should give you my e-mail address?" OK. Wait. You
just met me, you don't know me, and now you're wanting to possibly
talk to me? Hm. I'd say that if this is what I think it is then I
indeed now have the upper hand in the situation and if I choose to
make something out of it I probably could---at least in the short
term. Since I didn't want to make something out of it I just sorta
said that I'd get his address from his sister instead. That seemed
to diffuse the situation.
Or how about this other thing that happened in the past couple days.
I wrote e-mail to this group of people that sorta all know each other
(except they don't know me quite as well) that I needed some advice
about car insurance.
This one guy responds with his advice. I send him a courtesy
thank-you mail. He responds by asking what kind of car I got.
I tell him I got a silver _____________. He then replies with a
type of oh-that's-cool mail. I didn't reply after that.
So, on the surface it seems harmless, right? A guy is just
interested in what I got. Now what made it more interesting was the
way the e-mail was phrased. The one asking me about what car I got
seemed to be overly friendly for a guy-to-a-girl mail. And in the
last one he stuck in a line about how he thought about getting a
Porsche---as if for bragging rights. I don't know exactly what to
make of this either but judging from the subtext it would seem that
if I started writing back jovial mail then the two of us would
probably have gone on a long string of chatty e-mails. So, I just
let that one go too. Maybe if I meet the guy I might change my
mind about him. hehehe...
Now the one that really gets me is something that has been developing
over quite a while. I met this guy in our group about a year ago and
didn't think much of it. (I wasn't even part time at that point too,
funny. Anyways...) I see him off and on in other group gatherings
and then the thing in August
happened. If that isn't an indicator then I don't know what is. Well
for more proof positive let's look at this past weekend. I had to
take down some signs for our little garage sale and at the end of the
day I went out to my car to drive out to the sign locations. I then
remembered I needed a trash bag so I ran back to the house and guess
who was there? Him, of course. He gives me these puppy dog eyes
and is like, "well, um, do you need any help?" I still don't know
what I'm going to do with him but he's a nice guy no doubt. So I say
"sure" and he jumped into my car with me. We hit various locations
and he was more than merely helpful. He was attentive, talkative,
and looking out for my well-being. Seeing as how I definitely have
him under my control if I want I probably could have got him to
clean up all the signs for me while I just go around holding an open
trash bag if I wanted to. I could probably have him do a lot more
too, but since I don't know if I'm really into this guy at all I
don't think I'm going to abuse his kindness.
Some friends are egging me on to just use him as a sort of
a trial date so I can get used to dating. But, to me that
just really doesn't feel right mucking with someone's emotions
like that. Instead I'll use his willingness to do stuff with/for
me sparingly more to let him know I'm not ignoring him.
Conundrums.
On average women don't have the physical
strength to compete with men, so we have to use emotional leverage.
This has been made more clear to me as time goes on because when I've
been in the hands of other guys it is increasingly difficult for me to
wrestle my way out of their grip. Knowing this actually makes me
really wary of guys now.
Getting back to the original topic though,
what this all tells me is that me just being my quirky self is good
enough to command the attention of others. And
thinking ahead, when I really do get serious about relationships or
boy-girl situations I'm going to have to learn how to balance their
want for affection/sex with my needs and desires. It is an interesting
situation because women do weild a great amount of power because
without the woman's consent the men don't get much.
Women get to choose when, where, and how far a guy can go.
And, if you are in a
relationship and you also contribute to it you can probably get your
man to do a lot more.
I'm not saying that relationships are about who has more power over
who. Far from it---I believe relationships should be based on
emotional compatibility and the desire to foster a deeper bonding.
However, I think it should be well noted that women can play the
role of the boss and men can be made to behave.
