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ramblings |
Need vs. Want: Part 2
1999.01.18
Well, I was going to go to the malls on Sunday, but decided against it because it was mid-afternoon and that was just getting a little late for me. But, I needed to get some new socks anyways. So, I hopped in my car and drove off to a nearby Mervyns---it's a moderate-cost department store chain. Lucky me, they were having lots of 40% to 60% sale items. I got my socks, a couple pairs of pants, a pair of Vans, and a pair of overalls. Sounds boring? Well, what if I told you the overalls weren't from the young men's department---they were from the women's juniors.
Just a bit of setup: I said before that I really didn't care for most of the dresses that much. It's true. If I were to be female tomorrow and was given a few thousand dollars to go buy a new wardrobe, most of it would end up being jeans, t-shirts, casual slacks, shorts, a couple jackets, and a bunch of sweatshirts. Sure, there'd be a few skirts and summer dresses in there, but I wouldn't wear them too much. Where I work is pretty casual and I dress very loosely because it keeps me focused on my work rather than on whether my tie is on straight. Heck, I think most people would think I'm interviewing for a new job if I wore anything more fancy than khakis.
a:)So, anyways, I got to the store and in the back of my mind I made it a point to pass by the women's section and repeat my searching from yesterday. After making rounds about the store, I stopped by the women's section. I needed something distinctly different than what I already have---buying girl's jeans or sweatshirts isn't going to do anything. I needed short tees, dresses, skirts, or something else. I didn't see any dresses or suit combos that I liked. But, off in the corner, I spied a rack of overalls. That was one of the things on my mental wish list. It was weird and I wondered if anyone else was wondering why a guy was looking at a rack of juniors stuff. I found a "M"edium and figured that I wasn't "S"mall nor "L"arge. I piled it on top of the mass of to-be-purchased clothes I was already carrying and headed off to the fitting rooms.
I tried on the jeans to make sure they fit well. 30x30. Perfect, no alterations needed. And, then, with some apprehension tried on the blue overalls. Good thing I did, too, because a "M"edium was actually really roomy---so much so that I had to roll up the legs about 4". Darn. So that meant I had to head back to the rack. I did and re-hung the garments. I searched around for a "S"mall on the rack, but there was nothing in sight. Disappointed I was going to give up but passed by a sand-colored rack of similar-style overalls. And, hey, they had a "S"mall. So, I just grabbed it, tossed it on top of the jeans in my arms, and headed off to the cashier.
I was of course nervous because I wondered if he would be questioning why the heck I would be buying it. I figured he might say something like "um, you know that this is a girl's item?". Not to worry because I had my bag of excuses prepared. But still it was not a good feeling. I left after the transaction was done and did only minor damage to my credit card.
^_^Now, you're probably saying to yourself: geez, Amber's making such a big deal over something so simple like that! True. I should have been nervous over getting a dress, but overalls are really common and both sexes wear them and all. But, what was the problematic part was not what I was buying but the fact that I wasn't buying men's clothing for once. It's the symbol, the action of doing something you have been told is wrong. I could have been buying panty hose and I probably would have felt about the same. It just so happens that I found something I liked---it was cheap, too, not like the similar-style ones at Macy's for $70-$90. (The tag on the clothes even has link to their company Website.)
A lot of T* girls going out en homme to buy their first articles of clothing have had similar experiences.
It's about 3:00am right now and I'm actually wearing them right now. I was worried that they wouldn't fit earlier (since I didn't try this pair on), but with a little adjusting of the straps they are a perfect fit. Heck, I even had time to wash them in the laundry this evening. So, technically I'm cross-dressed for the first time several years, though most people would probably look at me right now and say "so what?"---they would have expected to see me in a dress or something. Again, it's the symbol, not the garment itself.
You know what, it just feels comfortable. It's just another part of my wardrobe now (though I will probably hide it away from public view). No real eroticism or anything. I like it and actually think it looks decent on me. So, what does this mean? nothing yet, really. It's too early to tell. I still have to acquire a dress for later, but that'll have to wait until I travel to another mall or something...
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