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ramblings |
Some Kind of Normal
2002.06.23
I've said before somewhere sometime that all I really want is to be an ordinary girl like so many others. I don't think I could ever really capture the feeling quite right in words until I read Emily's journal entry on May 27 which hits it pretty right on:
It is easy and simple to slip into the soothing rhythms of normal life, and to grow into greater calmness in my heart. Recently I realized I celebrated a surgical milestone, two years having past since the "big surgery."I read that in sort of half awe and half reflection while nodding to my laptop screen. I want to be surrounded by the mundane problems that other women have. I don't want to stand out in a crowd or glitter with attention. I just want to be me in all its pedestrian un-glory. I want to blend in the sea of faces on the sidewalk without anyone taking note that maybe, just maybe, there was something "different" about me.
...
I cannot describe to you the relief it is to truly know comfort in my own skin, to taste normalcy in nakedness before a lover, to be left only with the self consciousness that is ordinary -- the desire for a bit more here, a few pounds less there.
If I do achieve some kind of fame or public recognition I want it more to be the result of my contributions or accolades than the fact that I look like a tranny or promote public awareness of tranny-ness. (I don't see anything wrong with furthering the legal and social recognition of transsexuals, but it's just not my thing, you know?)
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