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ramblings |
Problem Solver
1999.10.31
I've always been a perfectionist, but not necessarily in the way that I sought recognition from everyone else---though I did like the attention. What makes me smile is when I know that I've really tried hard at something I wanted to do, and that I succeeded in surpassing other people's marks.
I remember writing several programs and then marveling at them. I remember building Lego machines and seeing that they not only worked but they looked cool. I also remember buying some girls' clothing, trying it on, and liking that image very much (of course my imagination helps to sort of morph the image so I can see how this stuff would look on me had I a female body). I remember the feeling of relief and satisfaction of having finished writing up the "Crossing the Lines" essay, which took a lot of time. All of these point to how I felt that I had accomplished something on my own, in my way, on my time, and for no other benefit than me.
What makes me tick is that I am a problem-solver and that I almost always see solutions to problems---even the ones I thought I had already solved. What frustrates me is for the problems that I can't solve, like GID. So, I have to find a happy middle-ground in order to accommodate for my lack of being able to solve GID and yet not feel like I failed at doing so. I think I'm winning right now, though.
^_^So long as I hold on to that feeling, I will not have a need to transition. Should I ever lose that feeling, I will strongly consider it.
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