Amberspace: Information resources for transsexual (TS) and
transgendered (TG) persons. Follow the journey of Amber,
a post-transition MTF TS.
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A T* friend yesterday and I went on a day trip and we found ourselves
just talking about stuff. In the course of our conversation she
mentioned that she had the knack of saying (what she thought)
innocent ramblings to other people, but those words sometimes had
the effect of resonating with the listener causing them to change
directions. She was semi-complaining that she only meant her
statements as mere train of thought or simple suggestion and not to
alter the course of someone's future!
I asked her why this was such
a problem---I mean, after all, if she had suggested something that
positively reinforced someone's life then it's a
Good ThingTM, right?
She came back with something to the effect, "but, you don't
understand! When I attempt to help someone I take my words very
seriously. It's a profound responsibility for that person's
life." She went on to explain she didn't want to carry that burden
of maybe having said something to them which later screwed up
their life.
I totally see her point. I just thought it was rather
humorous that she had been a manager at one time in her life---isn't
that responsibility for people's lives? She said, "no, that's
at work." Ooohhhhhkkaaaaayyyy... But, yes, I guess it is sort of
different because outside of work you're dealing with people's
real life issues; in work you're usually dealing with people's
inadequacies or resource needs.
So, I was thinking about this site. A number of people have written
to me over the years saying things like: I read your words and it
made me not feel so alone, or helped me to put my transition in
perspective, or helped me move past a hard place in my life. This
has made me uneasy some days.
It's not that I don't like knowing this information somehow has helped
someone somewhere. I think my feeling goes back to my friend's point
about when I make a commitment to give another person an honest
answer that has potential life-altering effects, I try to choose my
words carefully. I don't like ordering people into doing things
that they're not prepared for or giving them incorrect information.
It's hard sometimes because much of the information I have (except
recently) has come secondhand. I couldn't describe the effects of
hormones or how to deal with coming out to family.
Just like for myself I don't want to make a mistake. Especially ones
with irrecoverable results. Unfortunately Life has no "undo" button.
Gawrsh. If I only knew then what I know now... But, we know that
all we can do is work with whatever information we have (be it
correct or incorrect, biased or not) and make the best decision we
can. I hope people see this and don't take everything I say as a
recipe for solving their problems. I usually try to ask questions or
make suggestions which provoke further thought and possibly action.
I hope that I don't make it seem like there are no other options for
the individual in question...
Okay. Enough rambling tonight...
