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ramblings |
The Story Until Now: Part 7
2002.03.11
In response to the often-asked question "what are you doing now?" I guess I'm reaching yet another phase of the transition process. Hopefully I'm pretty much done with sperm banking at this point. It has cost quite a bit, but I'm hoping these high up-front costs will be cheaper than other reproductive technologies that I could opt for.
I've been pretty disappointed with the amount of material I've been able to store in these 12 visits, but it's better than nothing. The staff at the center have been pretty good and they say that they have worked with other transgendered people before. (That's probably the main reason I went with their facility because they were not the closest nor the cheapest.)
So the next step is probably going to be antiandrogens.
I've just written my therapist and hopefully she'll be able to authorize treatment soon. I don't plan on going on full HRT because really I don't have enough faith that I'll have enough cash to carry me through the next year if I lose my job. But that's not the prime reason. I guess I'm still unsure about this whole transition process. I am skeptical that it will be to my benefit, but I admit that I know where I've been and where I'm most likely to go in the future.
I wouldn't say it's inevitable that I transition, but I think I'll regret it if I don't at least try. Because I can't see it as an absolutely have-to right now, I can't make enough of a justification to rush through the remainder of the transition period. I need to take things slowly and see how my body adjusts. There is also a possible issue that my body may respond slower to HRT because I may not be able to take progesterones like Prometrium---nasty food allergies prevent me from using it. So, I don't know.
Hm. So it comes down to money and me not being totally sure right now. I guess that's why it'll be a long transition period for me. It has been about 3.5 years so far, and I expect it might take 3 or so more years minimum. That's OK with me, though, because I think that it'll take that long to tie up all the lose ends with my parents and friends, plus I need to start either training myself in a different field, in other skills related to my current field, or just find a different job.
Despite all the success stories of people transitioning in their job, I think that given the current USA economic climate that it is highly likely I'll lose my job. They'll say it's something like "staff reductions" or "right-sizing" or some other B.S. like that. Really it'll come down to them probably just feeling uncomfortable. Not that I can't blame them; it might work both ways where I feel uncomfortable talking to my colleagues in the "other" restroom.
There's also the small issue that everyone knows that this isn't my ideal job. Not that I don't like it, but I guess I'm yearning for something more creative. The trouble is that creative jobs tend to be very dicey. Artists and game designers are quite expendible. I know too many artists who have been shafted---I guess I'm disillusioned around this point.
Oh yeah, I'm also trying to get back to doing this site. The priority of this thing has been pushed way down on the list. To make matters worse a new structure for the Geocities FTP service may make the current architecture pretty unmanageable. Maybe after I get a few other things in order a whole site retooling is in order?
Thanks for reading. See ya...
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