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Year 1
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Exploration
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This is the time to start exploring your mental side. You want to
be doing a lot of personal thinking and writing. Maybe coming out
to a couple of real trusted friends would be good. Definintely
getting a gender-knowledgeable counselor is a plus. You want to
do research to figure out what resources are in your area, what
the pros and cons of transition are, and what are the different facets
of transgenderism and transsexuality. Reading books, web sites, and
maybe getting on message boards is a great thing. You want to absorb
all the information you can and see how you feel.
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This was really scary. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't
know who I really was. I didn't know who to talk to. I took the
shotgun approach and just started talking to everyone. I devoured
so much information that I'd go into work the next day on 3 hours
of sleep, bleary eyed.
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Year 2
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Experimentation
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This is where you put into practice what you've been thinking about.
Go out dressed. Find safe venues to experiment with. Go to
support groups. Meet up with other transsexuals. Get involved with
other people in the transgendered community. Build your support
network. Remember, even up to this point no permanent damage has been
done to your physical body so no one might even know you experimented
if you choose to hide this.
Really really ask those tough questions of yourself and be honest
with your answers because once you start physically transitioning
it'll be tough to devote real time to thinking about this stuff.
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I had to find out what felt comfortable---I couldn't just read about
it. I started dressing seriously for the first time in my life, and
tried going out a bit. I made some T* friends. My website grew.
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Year 3
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Physical Transition Commencement
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Start electrolysis early! Get yourself to a competent electrologist
that understands your needs, doesn't scar your skin, and is effective
in their treatment. Electrolysis will take probably abut 1.5 to 2
years to clear a fairly hairy face. This is also very expensive,
maybe even more so than SRS! At least giving yourself two years helps
to amortize the costs.
Hormones also take a long time to really do their magic. Remember,
it's not the quantity but the duration of time you're
on this stuff. If you're 15 and you start on HRT then you're probably
going to just spring to life with changes, but if you're 50+ then it'll
take years to really experience the full effects. Seeing a competent
doctor is hard but a necessary part of the physical transition.
Plus, you're going to have to get used to your body and its new
emotional sensitivities.
Related to HRT is sperm banking. If you plan on using your own genetic
material one day, get this done before you do HRT otherwise it'll
be more than a struggle to get enough material cryobanked. Unless you
are certain you never want kids in the future, get something
saved so at least you have the option of using your own material
one day. You won't get a second chance to do this.
Monitor your health at all times to see how you're doing. If you want
to back out now, it's probably not too late.
Start coming out to people and build your support network. Getting
people on your side early lets them get adjusted to you while you're
still physically you, and that way the little physical changes hopefully
won't shock them. When the time comes for you to make the Big Jump to
the other sex they won't be surprised. No one likes surprises.
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I couldn't sit back and wait anymore but I wasn't ready for hormones.
I was in the throes of working through my then-girlfriend and also
still sorting out what I really wanted to do. I started electrolysis
after my year 2000 resolution. I didn't know if I was going to go
through with transition so I figured that electrolysis could at least
have the practical side effect of not having to shave anymore.
(I never liked beards anyways.)
I also seriously started saving money.
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Year 4
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Preparation and Confirmation
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Electrolysis should be almost complete now. And, HRT should be effective
by now so that you don't totally look like a guy going out. Even if you
have large proportions, the fact that electrolysis and HRT are working for
you means that you will have natural feminine qualities.
This is the time frame where you want to be fairly resolved in your
transition. You want to understand the risks you're about to take,
the permanent sacrifices, and the potential health implications of
transitioning. You want to clear out your doubts and have transition
and beyond in your sights. The years of RLT are going to be
very challenging so you don't want to have to be questionning yourself
and being very reactionary. You want to have this plan all ready and
even if you deviate from it you know you have at least some bases
covered.
Experimentation means going out, using your femme voice, practiciing your
presentation, improving your mannerisms, and learning how to assimilate.
You're going to make uncountable numbers of mistakes and now's the time
to do them. What would be really helpful right now is a bunch of
transsexual friends and GG allies to help watch your back and
provide you feedback. This is how you can correct and improve yourself
because women have gotten this all their lives; you're trying to pack
30+ years of conditioning down into 1. The only way you can do this is
to leverage people's experiences who have been there and back.
This is also where you want to be coming out to as many potential
supporters as possible to get that established "fan base" that will help
cheer you on during the next few years, and hopefully be friends for life.
You're going to lose a lot of people (in the average case) and dealing
with the pain now is easier than when you're doing your RLT.
Your identity change should be lined up and ready to go. That way
when you go full-time it will be smoother and you won't have to worry
about having too much old documentation in your old name. Besides, now
post-9/11 things take longer to process.
If you're still in a relationship, be sure your partner/spouse is ready
to be with you in the years to come. This will surely strain the bonds
that hold you together. Most relationships overstress the bond to the
point of fracture, but you never know if things will work out.
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I was mostly hair-free at this point and so I started looking towards
getting on spironolactone and banking some sperm. I was really going
out a lot more now. I started coming out to people. Then I started
on hormones. I was also getting ready to move out from my roommate
situation with some guy friends. And I was really starting to plan
out my surgeries. I admit I did feel like a freak a number of times
because my body was changing and I was in some sort of middle-ground
between the sexes.
Finally, I looked deep within myself and made a
commitment to transition.
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Year 5
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Real Life Test
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All that hard work is finally paying off! You're full-time, living
the life you only once dreamed. You're seeing if you really are ready
to live your life as female (or male if you're FTM...). Be very
honest with yourself and try to live as normally as possible. This
is really the last stop before you can never turn around. I tend to
think that doing HRT is really tantamount to SRS, but for many people
SRS is the capstone and the point of no return.
You're going to be going through extreme highs and lows, and hopefully
your friends and allies are pulling you up where you falter. The
female world shouldn't be unfamiliar because you've been experimenting
all these years, but it will be a little different because you have no
male world to return to.
You might be going through facial surgeries and other cosmetic fix-ups
during this time. Spreading this out lets your body (and your wallet)
heal.
So you've converted all your identification and gotten used to living
as female. It's time to think about surgery, unless you're going the
non-op route. Your major expense of electrolysis should be over by
now and you can start saving for SRS. That'll probably be about the
same cost. And, guess what? You can start booking your hotel and
plane tickets early, maybe capitalizing on some discounts.
This is gut-check time. If you're sure you're ready now you can plan
for that life beyond. Really, you should have been thinking of it
all along, but it gets put down at low priority a lot of the time
because you're so busy with life. Be sure to make time though for
the little things: friends, family, diet, exercise, sleep.
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I had my license changed, came out at work, transitioned on the job,
moved into an all-girl roomie situation, and really started to begin
my life anew. "Girl Mode" was no longer a mode but just my default
presentation. I came out to everyone that needed to know.
I also happened to hook up with some very cool new
friends who were my actual peers versus being quite a bit older than I.
I bought wardrobe that represented me and that also fit exactly what
other girls in my peer group had. I tried to blend in and adjust
as much as possible.
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Year 6
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Operation and Adjustment
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This is probably the most physically challenging part because a
penile inversion is majorly-invasive surgery. Expect to be out of
commission for at least a couple of months if not more. Relax and
enjoy the new feelings that come with the final liberation of the
body you were once stuck in. (Well, you're still stuck in it but
at least you've made some home improvements.)
And after you're
healed up it's time to move on. Time to get back to the mundane
trials of work, of getting older, of personal growth. Transition
was merely a side-step in your road of life and now you should be
back on it. Really, you've been given a second chance at life and
what better way to acknowledge that then to live it up. You're a
survivor and have been given opportunities that many can only
dream of. It's time to reward yourself and your community.
Forget about this site, don't forget your friends, and have
a great life.
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After 1 year of RLT,
I went for a two-step SRS procedure, doing both vaginoplasty and
labiaplasty over the course of 7 months.
I never have reverted or looked back on my old
Boy Mode life. I broke away from old friendships, renewed some
of them, and worked to build new ones. I started seriously
thinking about dating. I have been trying to get closer to
Mom and Dad, who have been having a very difficult time with it
all. I have been trying as hard as I can to live
life to the max.
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